I feel unspeakably lonely. And I feel - drained. It is a blank state of mind and soul I cannot describe to you as I think it would not make any difference. Also it is a very private feeling I have - that of melting into a perpetual nervous breakdown. I am often questioning myself what I further want to do, who I further wish to be; which parts of me, exactly, are still functioning properly. No answers, darling. At all.
This is exactly how I feel.
For the past few days I have been sitting by my Mothers side watching her suffer. I know it’s horrible to say, but I wish she would just let go and rest in peace. She’s in incredible pain and can hardly breath. Well, the pain is probably less harsh now with a morphine drip.
This is he hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.
My beloved mommy isn’t going to get to see anything in my life.
She was just telling me about how proud she was of me for getting good grades in school. Now she won’t be able to see my in the medical field.
She was just telling me about all the tasty foods she bought me for next time I go and visit her. I never went.
I wish there was something I could do to turn this all around.
I just want my Mommy back :(